There are so many quotes about ” LIFE ISN’T ABOUT FINDING YOURSELF, IT’S ABOUT CREATING YOURSELF” . I mean, just google that phrase and look at all the cute little jpgs that come up in their cute little fonts and sweet little colors….
I used to believe that saying but now, I have to say, I think nothing could be further from the truth. Creating yourself, I believe, is just about more distractions. It seems like it’s just pushing more on you…it kind of says (to me at least), “you are really not good enough now, so instead of looking inward and finding your true self, look outside of yourself, find more distractions and “create” a new you….
Why do I even bring this up? Well, let me tell ya… I have to give you a little backstory so just stay with me here.. 🙂
So the other day I was really trying to imagine what it would be like to be by myself on the road with Zero. I mean, really try to see how it would feel…(as much as I could by just using my imagination). I mean, I wont really know until I am just actually doing it, ya know?
I was sitting there thinking about things like what it will feel like to roll up on a new campsite and how at first I will feel kinda awkward and nervous….I mean, I’m a little out of my element here. I know it will become more comfortable with time. It’s just like when you start a new job and even though it may not be difficult or such, you just have that “this is new and awkward” feeling for a bit.
I thought about some of the “cons”. Like how when I get to see something really cool, I wont have my mom or kiddo to share that experience with. I mean, yes, I can send pictures and do facetime and such, but it’s not the same. I plan on trying to make myself do the skywalk at the Grand Canyon (I am terrified of heights, by the way) and if Dylan was with me, he would push me and encourage me to do it and it would be easier if he was with me…but I will have to find the strength and do it alone.
Then I started thinking of how everybody I encounter will be “new”. Yes, I might make friends and end up seeing them again down the road, but for the most part, EVERYONE I meet will be new…and that kind of freaked me out for a minute. I mean, I do find comfort in routine and familiar faces sometimes, so I went deeper and tried to really imagine how that would feel.
My conclusion… I think it will actually be really cool. Let me explain why…
You know how when you are around certain people, sometimes you may feel like a slightly different version of yourself? Like, for example, how some people can make you feel really “cool”….like they just think you are really neat and when you are around them, you start feeling that way…you start feeling they way THEY see you? It’s not like a huge change, but just enough to where you almost, subconsciously, put on a persona around that person and how they perceive you kind of comes out more…Is this even making sense? LOL Like I think we all tend to let what others perceive us as play a role (no matter how big or small) in how we see ourselves. And I’m not talking about everyone we come in contact with on a daily basis, just those that we know and know us …our coworkers, clients,even our kids, etc…they all see us as a certain way.
Well, when I am traveling and everyone is “new”, I feel most of those feelings will be stripped away. Like I wont feel like anyway around people, except myself. All the expectations and perceptions will be gone and I will just be me. It will just be me and my dog and she doesn’t judge or perceive me as anyway other than me. It will be interesting to see what that feels like.
I’ve always heard of people going off and “finding themselves” and I never really got it. I mean, I understood the basic concept but never really grasped what it meant or how deep it could go. I just figured they wanted to go off and chill…but now I am understanding it’s so much more than that. It just hit me like a lightening bolt. When you can get rid of the distractions and technology and people’s expectations and perceptions….when you stop trying to “create” yourself….when you can really slow down and relate to the world in a different way, when you can venture out on your own and forge a new path, I think you really can “find” yourself…your “true” self…and I can’t wait!